Umm...What!? As soon as I realised this (about a week ago), I have been like a dog with a bone, nagging everyone about going out for a boogie somewhere. Of course, I knew places must exist, but so far, my pretty virgin knowledge of the big bad Berlin nightlife hadn't a clue where to find them.
Last night, a group of people decided this was going to be addressed. Meeting at a friend's house near Hermannplatz (good, central location and nice pad actually), I came in at the tale end of a big dinner which had been held, and at the start of everyone having a few drinks, listening to some music, chatting, etc. When we finally decided to make a move to a club (after saying goodbye to some people, and waiting for another guy to cycle down to the apartment to meet us), it was about 2am.
On the way, we met two older guys from Austria. It was kinda funny, we were all (some more than others) trying to use whatever languages we had in order to confuse them about where we came from. One of the guys with us was half French though, and pretty soon, all of the conversation turned to French. Myself and my Australian friend can't speak French, so we kinda shut up and talked among ourselves.... As it turned out, their whole conversation, in French, with our friend was about whether they should come with us, or go to get food. "Ahh but there are two of us, and three vaginas here. Although I think vagina 1 is angry...." I couldn't believe this when our male friend told us this is what they had been saying about us. I wasn't the angry vagina, but I wondered how they described me?!!
We decided on a place called Bohnengold. It is near Kottbusser Tor, and apparently unsigned. When we got in (after a really vigorous check at the door from the bouncers), it looked like, well....a total dive.
However, as I was led confidently on, it became apparent that to get to the 'good' bit, you had to walk through several crappy rooms, before going down a couple of steps into a smoky, sweaty danceroom. We checked our coats and GOT ON IT.
So, I need to explain what 'Geil' means at this point. Its one of my favourite words in German (hence why my little pigeon says it) and dually means 'cool' (slang) and literally, 'horny'.
As we had arrived pretty late, everyone was already dancing, and in a party mood. I was mostly dancing with the 'angry vagina' girl....(who was neither angry, and has other parts to her body as well). It soon became really apparent though, that two girls, dancing, unaccompanied (our male friends were elsewhere, on their own little adventures), well- we were like catnip to them. And trust me, this is no humble brag, because it was for no reasons other than it was horny o'clock and basically, we had once again been reduced to walking vaginas. I have never seen so many pick up techniques being utilised so awfully- 'bumping' into you, giving you drinks (note- if you are crazy adamant about giving a girl a beer that is already open in your warm grasp, the girl will totally think it has Rohypnol in it. Fact), cheers-ing your drink, tapping you to say 'hi' and my personal favourite of the night, stroking your hair, unannounced. GUYS- get a clue, if a stranger leans over to stroke your hair, its nothing, (and I do mean NOTHING) other than creepy as hell.
My friend and I continued dancing, until I said I was going to go. At this point, we acknowledged that we were totally surrounded and felt like bits of prey. Which... yeah. I am not sure there is any point where I think I would find that a fun situation to be in. My friend immediately said she would come with me, as if she stayed alone, she would be mauled alive.
So today's lesson? If you are a girl, and want to score in Berlin? Find Bohnengold, past 2am. That's IT. Just be there, and you'll score. (I mean, so long as you are ok with being reduced to your sexual organs, then its fine, right?!)
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