Festival Fever

Yo, so after a period of general disarray and lounging, I re-enter the world of work tonight.  Its at a festival and I shall be pulling pints for the delightful folk who have enough disposable income to attend...

Last night, in a celebratory mood, I decided to drink a shed load of rosé wine.  Big mistake my friend.  In the middle of said jovial high jinx, I got an email from my ultra-hyper-mega ex which spun me out entirely.  I ended up, in my drunken state, telling him how I was "encouraged" [read tragically torn apart] that he was in a new relationship because it meant there was hope for me yet...Yeah.  DEFINITELY would not have said this had I had all my wits about me.  It is the truth of course, but he doesn't need to know that.  In fact, is it the truth?!  The truth is much more, I'd like him to acknowlegde that we are each others soulmates, but c'est la vie.  I ended it, so its my fault!  He told me to keep writing and not to "idolise" him. Ouch.

Anyway.  Festival time.  Another super annoying ex of mine is going to be there.  An ex who keeps propositioning me with distasteful activities despite having a new, and from what I can tell, super nice and very pretty girlfriend.  I really don't want to see him.  That said, I've been told that whilst I text him saying to, err, bugger off and call his girlfriend, it might be better being said in person.  THAT will be fun, no doubt!

What.
The.
Hell.

There's randomly been £150 added to my account.  Not sure why.  Bit scared!!

Rubbish Round-up Robin

SO...what a week.  In the vagaries of a Craig David song, lost my job on Monday, got a job interview on Tuesday, went on a test day on Wednesday....but then it all went tits up.  I got sent to Poleglass, and yeah, so help me, it was for door to door sales?! Are you serious? I walked out.  I've now walked out on two jobs in my life- once, an Italian restaurant about 6 years ago (cause, really, that food preparation was not cool.) and then this Wednesday. 

I'm not going to go into mega details but I do have work lined up for next week, and a big deal in a few months.  So I'm feeling cool.

NOT so cool in the old relationships front.  Have literally realised that I am cold and detached.  I may be nice, God help me, I'm nice (to the proverbial fault, seriously, got in trouble for that this week too!) but I just don't fancy anyone.  It's rubbish.  A la Dean Martin, its been a long time since the world seems to shine like its had too much wine.  But yeah, that's what the hawks like, I've figured it out.  I'm totally myself because I don't get nervous and shy, because I don't like them.  Ha. 

Went out with a chap and actually, yeah had a full on lovely time.  Couldn't fault it and if we were mates he'd be mega.  But he wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend, for like ever and ever (ahem).  Yeah.  God God God love him.  Worst thing to say ever.

Anyway, been taking it easy this weekend....partially to do with the financials, but also, I'm quite enjoying having time to myself.  Doing the family thing tomorrow, the works, National Trust property, barbecue, family friends, the works.  Aiiiii..... Crikey.  I'm not sure what the booze situation will be but...yeah.  God help us.

Catch A Break

Tonight, I am meant to be meeting up with a hawk.  I ought to explain the title of this blog.  Catch a pigeon is the way my good friend C has referred to the hawks (naughty boys) trying to catch me.  Its in reference to the Dick Dastardly and Muttley cartoon where they would try to catch the pigeon...who would always escape. 

This seems kind of funny, except for the fact that I am a bit notoriously emotionally dead (at least between myself and some close friends, we've discovered this) following a big bad heartbreak, ehh, what, two and a half years ago?!  Dear god.  But yes, seems like if you don't give a crap, its like catnip to chaps.  Which is funny except when this manifests itself as 4am bootie calls and dirty photos.  Which, frankly, beyond a certain point starts to make the proverbial pigeon feel a little skanky.


Anyway, this hawk is a particularly dangerous.  Will keep you posted.


And in other news....


Yesterday, I lost my job.  Obviously going into details is a little tawdry at this stage (no doubt I will do at some point) but needless to say- OUCH. 


The seven stages of grief are as follows-

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain.
Reality- I spent all weekend at my friend Mike's house and with friends- distracting myself in a very major way...

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
Reality- errr....I didn't feel any pain, but I did drink.  Ooooh yes. I fear the lack of pain may be because I veered quickly into stage 3....You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?"


3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the loss on someone else. 
Reality- Fact; Everyone thinks I've been stitched up.  So, yes, I was angry. Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you.


4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you.  You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
Reality- Not so much.  Did have a few very vivid moments of horror and fear that I was losing The Game Of Life.


5. THE UPWARD TURN, 6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH and 7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE--
As you start to adjust to life, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized.
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation.Well now, obviously there is more than a little hyperbole at play here.  But yes, always the overachiever, I've sped through the seven stages of grief. Ha.  Lost my job yesterday, first fresh job interview today. 

Little bit concerned its a horrible marketing sales job, an avenue I have meandered down before.  Not a good fit for me.  That said, money is money!