U-Bahn Man

Last night I went to this really sweet little bar in Rosenthaler Platz called Mein Haus am See.  Everything is

really low, dimly lit, vintagely furnished and generally too cool to function.

So my Australian friend's friend from New York was DJing- all very chilled disco, and pretty awesome.  Unfortunately, the U Bahn system during the week means that if you wanna get home before 4am, you need to leave around midnight.

(This sounds very sweet and Cinderella-like, but my sweet Cinderella days are long gone- I'd rather have some chilled out New York disco.  Sorry.)

Anyway, so I dashed away so I could get home on time.  Very very quickly though, I realised my relatively long journey home was going to be a bit of a mental and physical challenge- I quite desperately needed to go to the bathroom.  And yes, I was a little bit drunk- a fact I didn't acknowledge until I accidentally found myself on a U Bahn going the opposite direction to where I needed....

So when I caught the last train going to my apartment, I sat down and focused on playing the piano with my feet- a distraction from the other rather pressing matter on my mind.  As I was playing any piece I could possibly remember, I noticed a guy sitting on the other side of the train as me kept giggling and smiling.  I didn't really pay any attention- hell, I was playing a small symphony with my snow covered boots.

I looked up at him again and he was looking right at me and smiling- I panicked because I suddenly realised my quasi tipsy, mad foot tapping made me look like a drug casualty.  I kept my head down, but continued with my foot piano.

U Bahn Man got off at the stop before me, stood on the platform, waved and bowed to me through the window as the train went past.  So if I was inadvertently flirting, I didn't realise.... but I was totally charmed by U Bahn Man.  Going to keep an eye out for him and make friends with him, I think.

(As I was writing this last sentence, a cool looking girl in a hat came over and asked me to be a hair model for her.  WIN WIN WIN. And my friend who does graphic design is going to jazz up this site for me.  Wicked!)

Top 5 Berlin for Beginners...

Holy.

Shit.

So... turns out these rumours we all hear about how awesome Berlin is are absolutely, totally, 100%...

TRUE.

I can't get enough.  Apparently I am going through a phase of Berlin called the Berlin Adoleszenz- where you go wild exploring it all, before settling down.  I can't actually begin to start writing what I have been up to....A brief run through would include hot tubs in the snow, record label Christmas parties in riverside basement clubs, Fire-punch (a traditional German drink made of mulled wine and rum... together) Turkish markets, reggae jams and a lot of wine.  

And thing is, reading that list makes me feel completely underwhelmed because it doesn't come anywhere close to matching the reality.  Everything basically escapes description.  I have mostly been walking about somewhere between childlike wonder and buzzed up club maniac excitement.

So, in the spirit of helping me get some direction, here are my top five Berlin points so far.



5.  You can do and wear whatever the hell you want.  

The U-Bahn (an initial big fear for me) is full to the brim with absolutely brilliantly weird, stylish insane and creep as hell people.  Its a people watcher's wet dream.  In Ireland, I had a whole segment of my wardrobe which I loved but never had the balls to wear.  Here, not only have a cracked out a few of my favourites, but have been complimented on them too.  

Fashion wise, anything goes. 
Drinking wise, anything goes. 
Party wise, anything goes. 

While waiting for some friends in Schlesishes Tor U Bahn station in Kreuzberg, I was approached and offered a threesome.  It took me a good while to actually figure out what was going on, and weirdly, it was actually a totally good natured, casual conversation.  (The two questions I have had the most with this story- 1.  They were a reasonably attractive couple, yes.  2.  No, I did not take them up on it, but thanked them all the same.  Its a compliment in a weird way, right?)

That said, don't dare jaywalk.  I have never been more obedient to the traffic system in my life, and I still am trying to figure out if its all a massive joke at my expense.  But basically- walk at the red man, and pay the (literal) price.

4. The Germans are absolutely, delightfully and pretty goddamn infectiously friendly.

I seemed to have this idea handed to me that the Germans weren't going to be friendly, and especially in Berlin, where I could fall foul of the infamous Berliner Schnauze. This, I was told, was what I could expect in the form of people being outspoken and rude, telling me what I was doing wrong and generally being pretty ignorant.

Well... stop the presses.  So far, I have experienced nothing but smiles and helpfulness.  Everyone told me registering as a citizen in the Burgeramt was going to be painful and difficult.  Not at all.  First of all, I had the help of this site, who were pretty amazing, but the woman who registered me treated me like her long lost Irish daughter.  Sincerely, I was surprised that she didn't hug me and invite me round to dinner.  In an Indian restaurant, one waiter told me I had to come back after researching the history between Ireland and India (apparently we're great buddies) after giving my table extra spicy food [I took this as a gesture of goodwill, though my tastebuds were sacrificed in a ritualistic burning through accepting it].  I was given free wine as a  'new girl in Berlin'.  Even my local Spati (late night 'buy anything' shop), the owner and I made friends.

I've been given so much help from people, and generally have been charmed wholeheartedly.  

Sure, people are going to get pissed off in the big city, and I've seen some frissons of agitation. Especially on the sardine-packed UBahn in the mornings... but jeez guys.  A smile is met with a smile.  International law #1.

3.  Yeah.... everything is really, really cool.

These guys just get being cool.  Everywhere I look, everything I see...cool.  Intellectual debates, social initiatives, clothing, attitude, street art... people here know how to EXPRESS themselves and explore developing themselves and I love it.  Creativity and intelligence seems to exist in abundance, with jams of all genres happening on an almost nightly basis, lectures about all sorts of topics available free, art popping up everywhere.

Yeah.  I think I fall in love with the place more and more with every passing second.  When I was nestled in the warm bohemian bosom of Belfast, I comforted myself that there was a small core of creative people with inquisitive minds in my otherwise tragically closed minded country.  Here, well, its like jumping into the ocean  of openness after spending your whole life in the paddling pool of creative, political and intellectual expression.

2.  It provides a look in the mirror.  A painful look in the mirror....

It is very very interesting to suddenly be an Auslander (outsider, foreigner).  Suddenly, I am the one at the receiving end of cultural stereotypes.  I'm from Ireland, so I'm a Catholic, anti-abortionist, probably the result of a family of several dozen?  Ummm.... no.  But hearing all these things makes you think.  We spend so much time thinking about others' actions that rarely in our own lands think about what impression we are making on the rest of the world.

This weekend I spent a lot of time trying to defend Ireland, and Northern Ireland. As my home, and a place which despite its many flaws (especially recently) I truly do love, its actually a little painful hearing the truth of what people think about it.  The great aspects of the warmth, friendliness, humour and compassion of the Irish is basically drowned out in stories of abortion-related deaths, stabbings in Belfast of German students, ridiculous riots about flags, political strife and a diet consisting entirely of potatoes and booze.

This is not the Ireland I know, but it is the Ireland the rest of the world knows.  This.... is difficult for me to swallow.  And that's being generous- several conversations really cut to the bone with me actually.  (At one point a friend joked, "Look, she's going to cry!"  Truth was, I actually was just around the corner from tears springing to my eyes... oops. What a dope.)

1.  Everything is not meat!

So little brother, if you're reading this.... I'm still avoiding the German sausage you thought I'd be guzzling.   Hahaha.

Vegetarians are so well catered for, it's like a cheap culinary heaven.  Which certainly beats potato and booze.

Top Five- Shit Girls Do

Boy oh boy.  Today I heard some utterly disgusting, yet completely un-original tales of bad girls doing bad things to good people.  So, it is with remarkable ease I am setting about writing this entry!

#5.  Over analyse EVERYTHING

So as a girl, I would like to argue a little in favour of the ladies here, and make a claim that it is in our psyche to be a tad over anxious. Ok so we don't talk more than men, but as a woman who has plenty of male friends, I can guarantee we worry about stuff more.  

However!!  I think most quasi-sane girls can appreciate this tendency to attribute meaning to how many "x's" are at the end of a text from a guy, is completely mad.  Still, many many girls do it.  This would not be so bad were it an inner monologue, but the sisterhood dictates that any opinion you might have formed cannot be confirmed, until you have your girlfriends agree.  So these kind of "I think he's really great, but do you think he is cheating on me?", "I get the impression he would like it if I wore yellow?" or "Maybe he's just busy, but why doesn't he LOVE ME YET?!" conversations are WAY too common.  

Come on ladies.  We KNOW its mental behaviour, lets tone it down.  (Want to not be so mental ladies?  Here's some tips.)

[As a footnote to this point, I have been asked to include that women also talk too much to express something that could be summarised in a smiley emoticon.  Frankly- this is an abhorrent idea, and the person who suggested this, told me that he found smileys a great way of placating over-chatty women the first time I met him.  Since then, every smiley I receive from him is like a dagger with 'You talk too much' notelet attached. ;-) {only kidding F} ]

#4. Leading guys on
Ok so for me, the worst examples of this are-.

1. Kissing other girls to get guys' attention. SO lame.  So so so lame. Girls, don't kiss your girlfriend unless you are into it!  Sure, I get the whole 'guys like girl on girl' thing, but you have immediately set yourself up as an object.  Did you think by indulging a common porno fantasy, that the guy you pull will be totally into what books you love?  Which means, when it all goes tits up and you're sad that Boy X was never really into your personality, well.... my sympathies will be limited.
2. Allowing guys to shower you with gifts. I used to be friends with a completely insane girl.  Not in a fun 'insane' way either, just totally bonkers.  It took me a good while to notice just how unbalanced she was, and even longer to shake her.  Anyway, we used to go out, and plenty of times she would literally go out with nothing in her wallet.  She would accept drinks from guys all night, flirt with them, and then laugh with me about how stupid they were.  At the time, I was a little naive, and she was a little older, and I thought maybe she was just really cosmopolitan and I was the frump.  Then I realised - she was a huge jerk.  As a rule of thumb, I don't really accept anything off anyone unless I know them, or want to get to know them.  A evening of free drinks is rarely free- and if you swan off at the end of the night, you are being a TEASE. [Personally, I have always been a bit of a fan of going dutch with things.  I mean, sure, the first few dates and things, if the boy wants to pay, that's fine, but not all the time.  Its not fair!]

#3. Bitching.

Damn.  While guys fighting each other is kind of scary and stuff, more often than not, they will be friends again shortly after.  It is a much more honest way of dealing with things, and therefore much better.  Guys do tend to be a bit more forthright about things than girls.  It is infinitesimally more loaded, scary and nasty the way girls can continue to be friends with other girls that they hate.  Its a weird passive aggressive tendency, which we've all seen and I am sure we'd all rather didn't happen.

#2. Plughole Grossness

 Hair in plugholes.  I have lived with enough girls and dealt with my own mane enough to know that a joy of being a boy is the avoidance of this  -->

  

Oh god.  Trying to find this picture online was nauseating.  Yuck yuck yuck.

#1. Pretending to be dumb

ARGH!!! This is my NUMBER ONE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER.  We are NOT Barbies (though this girl is- weird huh?!)  Nothing, and I mean, nothing will make me dislike someone more than when a smart girl pretends to be dumb and 'cute' in order to impress a guy. Why?!!?  I have no idea where this idea that girls being stupid is attractive comes from.  One of my friends once dated this girl who was studying law... but when I met her, she appeared to have cotton wool for brains.  God, it annoyed me.  This whole 'dumb blonde' thing annoys me, because why is stupidity attractive?  Stupidity is a huge turn off for me, and certainly, if a guy tried to impress me by toning down his natural intelligence, I'd think he was crazy.  And stupid.

(Here is another good blog on this.)

Top Five- Shit Boys Do

Disclaimer- I am going to do annoying things about both genders, this is not a 'hate on men' piece.  Find my Come Dine With Me episode to hear Channel 4 make a tit of me going, "oh no, I'm not one of those 'I hate guys' feminists.... I love guys". Nice one Channel 4.

So, I recently started watching the new HBO series 'Girls', embarrassingly because, yes, it's being spoken about everywhere, and I wanted to see what the fuss was about.

Its ok, but some of it feels way too true and highlights just how stupid we can all be.  In response, I have decided to highlight my top five things that boys and girls do that is just plain old shitty....  Not necessarily all in a sexual context, but just around each other.  So today, we are going to have.. Top Five Shitty Things Boys Do. (Top Five Shitty Girls Things will follow, I promise!)

God knows I hate acknowledging there are difference between the genders, but...well...yes.  There are differences between the genders.

[Point of Note- Some of these also make the compilation following several recent incidents. Thanks fellas]

Top Five Shitty Things Boys Do To Girl Friends And Girlfriends.

#5.  Grab the back of your neck while talking to you.

One of my friends does this, and I swear to God, I feel like a trapped piece of prey.  I don't know how it could be sexy, I find it a little intimidating/inclined to make me think the guy is a jerk.  I don't really know how to say either, without being insanely rude.

So in this photo, I'd be the wildebeest.  Nice.

#4.  Make horse based references to you.

Making that 'cht-cht' noise with a wink always makes me feel like a horse. When I was a kid, I rode horses, and this was the noise I made to them as I would get them to giddy up.  Also, saying 'that's a good girl', 'what a fine filly', etc., falls into this category.

One of my friends recently got engaged, and she went with her fiance to a country show.  While there, she met a family friend of her fiance's, who smacked her fiance on the shoulder and commented, that she was a 'good U8'.  My friend found out later that was a farming term for a particular good class of cattle.

#3.  Tell sexist jokes
Ahhh, this happens all the time.  I don't know if its a vague kind of 'hey girl, you're one of the guys, we like you' thing, but it is one of my pet hates. So picture the scene, there's ONE girl, and a bunch of guys.  A joke is told about, I don't know, 'banging' a girl, or some pretty intensely female topic (rape/abortion) and when all the guys roar with laughter, you can either 
a) kick off
b) laugh along
c) laugh along while muttering, "God that's awful"
d) walk away (thus perhaps looking a little huffy)
Thing is, of course it's nice that you are including the one girl in the gang in your banter, but please.  Imagine if it was the other way around... a bunch of girls telling a joke about penis size, or prostrate cancer... or castration, in front of one awkwardly laughing guy.  I don't know what topics match up, because by and large, I don't think girls do it [if we do, I am totally ready to stand corrected].  Its just a totally awkward and horrible moment.  I wrote down 'abortion and rape' there and thought to myself, "No way, that's too extreme."  Sad truth is, I can think of jokes I have heard like this including abortion, rape, periods, miscarriages and child abuse.  Maybe I just fall into the company of jerks from time to time?!

#2.  Don't chill out, have fun...and by this I mean, DANCE.
So there's this whole thing that men have to be strong, emotion-free pillars of masculinity.  And sometimes, this results in about 98% male population not dancing.  I hate this!!  Now, two things I want to make clear.  Some guys don't like to dance, that's cool. Some people are shy, but not all of you!  And please, don't get me wrong, I also hate girls who do sexy dancing.  Meh, piss off Mary-Sue.  Dancing is about an expression of joy and fun, not sexiness.  [n.B I do realise that sexy dancing is totally sexy, but I just think it is like when I try to talk with a French accent- I feel like a fraud.  When I dance sexy, I either am totally drunk or taking the piss.  I chose fun over sexy].  Dance.  Lighten up.  We all do it from time to time, and who wants to hang out with anyone who can't have a bit of fun?!

#1.  Talk/stare at your boobs.
Sigh.  No one is 13 anymore, so really, there's no excuse.  If you're going to do it, at least do it subtly.  (Hahaha, I like this male response on the subject.)

Sleepless in...

Tonight, today and yesterday, I did an overnight shift at work.

What was I thinking?!

I am trying to save up money for a little nest egg, sure, but turns out, my body and brain are both kicking back fairly hard at this. 

And naturally, it is going to be really fun sleeping this morning, in order to get up and return to work later.

Help.  I am going to stop typing because I doubt I'll remember this later.  Needless to say, I have seen trailers for that movie 'A Night In The Museum'- A Night In The Theatre had no magic unfortunately....

Geeks are the ultimate hipsters- they were into everything before it was cool.

I'm not going to advertise this post I don't think- I have found out that some of my geekier blog posts seem to be way less popular.  People seem to prefer me talking shit, as opposed to stuff that I actually find interesting and today's post will probably be the most geeky to date.  But I am not sitting here in horn rimmed glasses, with an overbite and a sweater vest.  No, I am regular girl and yeah, this stuff is COOL, so back off geek judgers.  Geeks are the ultimate hipsters- they were into everything before it was cool.

SO TODAY-  Mind blown.  I can't wait for the future.

So one of the jobs I am applying for in Germany is in a printing company.  They are actually pretty cool, I love their graphics and stuff, and they seem like a really cool company.  And yes, its printing, but their aim is to make printing cool, sexy and most important EASY.

Anyway I had to do some research for them into the future of, well, lots of things.  And now, I just want it to be the future already.  Its going to be so cool!!  I did a little article on 3D printers, which I had heard of, but had no idea how they worked.  It sounds so boring but it is so mental!?!?!

The printer- probably one of the least sexy things ever.  But its going to be leading the pack baby.  The humble printer, famous for its awkward connections and networks, has been developed to print three dimensionally.

Also known as 'additive manufacturing', 3D printing quite literally creates three dimensional copies of whatever object you programme it to. How can this work? Certainly, the concept of it seems to blow a comprehension fuse for most people. Instead of the traditionally combining together of material, whether by cutting, shaping, bending, sticking, a 3D printer deposits material, layer by layer. This successive layer upon layer of material eventually builds up into a perfect replica. The printer is 'told' what to print after the object is scanned and broken down into layers by an accompanying computer programme. Within the computer programme, the user can select any changes they would like to make- sizes, colours, etc. Most incredibly, moving parts can be replicated with absolutely no problem.

WHAT!!!!?!?!?!

Suddenly the lonely and unreliable printer I used at school seems a long way away. Is this the end of the car mechanic charging a fortune for ordering a 'difficult to get' piece? Traditionally, manufacture is an expensive business, with the cost of tools, labour and materials to consider. In order to make something worthwhile economically, companies had to turn production into a huge venture to make it economically viable. However, with the 3D printer, that is no longer the case. One off products are suddenly financially viable and small level production is a economic option.

Does this mean that anything can be replicated? Well certainly, at the rate of development, this shouldn't be too far into the future. Currently, one limitation is that of printer material, although metal printing is quickly improving. Soon, will we be able to create perfect replicas, with a combination of materials?

What will this mean in a socio-economic sense? Certainly, there will be an increased demand for designers, IT specialist, engineers and logistic experts. However, it will also eliminate the requirement for many low-level manufacturing jobs. Repetitive jobs, combining pieces or riveting for example, can all be done by the printer. This is seemingly the one disadvantage to an otherwise perfect venture.

Certainly, 3D printing can seem a little futuristic to the average person on the street, however it is already being utilised by an unbelievable number of industries. So far, it has been used in jewellery production, industrial design, architecture, automotive construction, aerospace industries, footwear development, education, geographic information systems, civil engineering and medical and dental industries.

Indeed, in Japan, 3D printing has been used to create the ridiculously popular 3D photo booth. Instead of a 2D print of your image, users receive a mini 3D replica of themselves. This bit of fun also has potential uses in the future, and really just highlights how far this technology has come.  

I just....I just.....I just can't get my mind around this.  Is this a big joke?!?!!  A big, fucking awesome, joke?!!?

Magic Vs Probability (The Sad Truth Of Coincidence)

Story A.  (Level of Coincidence- Moderate)

Having arranged to meet a friend last week, he texted me to say he was running late at work, and would I like to come and give him a hand.  I went to his place of work, and he introduced me to his co-workers.  One of them was a boy from Berlin.  So I delightedly started talking to him.  When we realised that he also lives in the same neighbourhood as I will in Berlin, I was happy to think I might know someone nearby in a new town.

Then a few days later, chatting online, this boy mentioned he was having some trouble with his flight back home to Berlin.  He mentioned the airline, which I said was the same airline I flew with.  He mentioned the date, which was the same date as I would be flying back.  Curious.  Turns out, we are on exactly the same flight back to Berlin.  Which means, meeting this boy meant that I would have a friend to travel with me from Belfast, down to Dublin, the same flight to Berlin, and then to within a few streets distance in Berlin.  I was delighted and definitely did think to myself- "Wow.  What are the chances of that!?"

Story B. (Level of Coincidence- HIGH)

Chatting with a friend recently, he mentioned a bit of a love dilemma he was having.  Going through the positives of each, with Girl A, he also told me the following story as a 'positive'.

Having known each other for years, Boy knew that Girl A would always change her pin number to the birthdates of her current boyfriend.  Just a 'thing' she did.  So if she dated someone who was born on, say, 2nd February, she would change her pin number to 0202, for example.  When Boy and Girl A began to date, Girl A did this again, changing her pin to match Boy's birthday.  Boy thought this was cute, but explained to Girl A, that he didn't think he could do this back for her, as his card provider didn't allow you to change your pin to what you wanted.  However, when they discussed his pin, it turned out that the pin number he already had matched Girl A's birthday.

Again- what are the odds of having numbers on your pin that create a birthday (for example, mine don't) [so, it will be something like maybe 3/10 perhaps], a girl who's birthday matches your pin number and a girl whose 'thing' is to do that with her pin.

Whaaaaat!!!?

I don't believe in coincidence, but I think that is because I have hung around with too many spoilsports, who prove that if you create enough incidence, the overlaps of coincidence will be more likely.  To think of an analogy of the emotional response to finding out the probability of something is actually quite small, or that your so-called big coincidence is not so big after all- well, to me, it is like finding out Santa isn't real. [To any children reading- pfft, people try to tell you this all the time, but he totally is.  I mean, how else would you get those gifts?  And what other viable employment options does a flying reindeer really have?]

I thought the following video was a good example of such a dream destroying mathematician's angle.  It is well explained, but I mean, even the voice.  He could have tried to add some magic to the presentation, since he was destroying magic from our lives.  Yes, you informative bastard, your argument is strong, but your charisma is not. 

Good video huh?  Nonetheless, there is undeniably a real joy in coincidence, which no amount of maths can suppress for me, and I suspect the same is the case for many.  I was delighted to find out that this guy could travel with me to Berlin- I felt that the chances were against me to have a friend to travel with, and bam, made a new friend who is already doing that same route.  When my friend told me the story about Girl A, we both discussed the probability of it, but we both definitely were a bit buzzed from how kind of romantic it was.  Maths can explain things, but I think there are too many people in this world with whom we will have no connection- to meet a stranger by some form of coincidence, or to discover something about them coincidentally, well, its a fast way to develop a strong rapport, and that can only be a good thing.  

So guys, I guess today's lesson is don't go and marry someone because they like the same ice cream as you, but definitely enjoy the little things like this.  Yes, they can be explained away by probability, but so what??  They still make you feel good, so enjoy it.

[I actually just found this guy.... he talks more about feelings vs reason which delights me.  Better video.]