Top Five- Shit Girls Do

Boy oh boy.  Today I heard some utterly disgusting, yet completely un-original tales of bad girls doing bad things to good people.  So, it is with remarkable ease I am setting about writing this entry!

#5.  Over analyse EVERYTHING

So as a girl, I would like to argue a little in favour of the ladies here, and make a claim that it is in our psyche to be a tad over anxious. Ok so we don't talk more than men, but as a woman who has plenty of male friends, I can guarantee we worry about stuff more.  

However!!  I think most quasi-sane girls can appreciate this tendency to attribute meaning to how many "x's" are at the end of a text from a guy, is completely mad.  Still, many many girls do it.  This would not be so bad were it an inner monologue, but the sisterhood dictates that any opinion you might have formed cannot be confirmed, until you have your girlfriends agree.  So these kind of "I think he's really great, but do you think he is cheating on me?", "I get the impression he would like it if I wore yellow?" or "Maybe he's just busy, but why doesn't he LOVE ME YET?!" conversations are WAY too common.  

Come on ladies.  We KNOW its mental behaviour, lets tone it down.  (Want to not be so mental ladies?  Here's some tips.)

[As a footnote to this point, I have been asked to include that women also talk too much to express something that could be summarised in a smiley emoticon.  Frankly- this is an abhorrent idea, and the person who suggested this, told me that he found smileys a great way of placating over-chatty women the first time I met him.  Since then, every smiley I receive from him is like a dagger with 'You talk too much' notelet attached. ;-) {only kidding F} ]

#4. Leading guys on
Ok so for me, the worst examples of this are-.

1. Kissing other girls to get guys' attention. SO lame.  So so so lame. Girls, don't kiss your girlfriend unless you are into it!  Sure, I get the whole 'guys like girl on girl' thing, but you have immediately set yourself up as an object.  Did you think by indulging a common porno fantasy, that the guy you pull will be totally into what books you love?  Which means, when it all goes tits up and you're sad that Boy X was never really into your personality, well.... my sympathies will be limited.
2. Allowing guys to shower you with gifts. I used to be friends with a completely insane girl.  Not in a fun 'insane' way either, just totally bonkers.  It took me a good while to notice just how unbalanced she was, and even longer to shake her.  Anyway, we used to go out, and plenty of times she would literally go out with nothing in her wallet.  She would accept drinks from guys all night, flirt with them, and then laugh with me about how stupid they were.  At the time, I was a little naive, and she was a little older, and I thought maybe she was just really cosmopolitan and I was the frump.  Then I realised - she was a huge jerk.  As a rule of thumb, I don't really accept anything off anyone unless I know them, or want to get to know them.  A evening of free drinks is rarely free- and if you swan off at the end of the night, you are being a TEASE. [Personally, I have always been a bit of a fan of going dutch with things.  I mean, sure, the first few dates and things, if the boy wants to pay, that's fine, but not all the time.  Its not fair!]

#3. Bitching.

Damn.  While guys fighting each other is kind of scary and stuff, more often than not, they will be friends again shortly after.  It is a much more honest way of dealing with things, and therefore much better.  Guys do tend to be a bit more forthright about things than girls.  It is infinitesimally more loaded, scary and nasty the way girls can continue to be friends with other girls that they hate.  Its a weird passive aggressive tendency, which we've all seen and I am sure we'd all rather didn't happen.

#2. Plughole Grossness

 Hair in plugholes.  I have lived with enough girls and dealt with my own mane enough to know that a joy of being a boy is the avoidance of this  -->

  

Oh god.  Trying to find this picture online was nauseating.  Yuck yuck yuck.

#1. Pretending to be dumb

ARGH!!! This is my NUMBER ONE MOST ANNOYING THING EVER.  We are NOT Barbies (though this girl is- weird huh?!)  Nothing, and I mean, nothing will make me dislike someone more than when a smart girl pretends to be dumb and 'cute' in order to impress a guy. Why?!!?  I have no idea where this idea that girls being stupid is attractive comes from.  One of my friends once dated this girl who was studying law... but when I met her, she appeared to have cotton wool for brains.  God, it annoyed me.  This whole 'dumb blonde' thing annoys me, because why is stupidity attractive?  Stupidity is a huge turn off for me, and certainly, if a guy tried to impress me by toning down his natural intelligence, I'd think he was crazy.  And stupid.

(Here is another good blog on this.)

Top Five- Shit Boys Do

Disclaimer- I am going to do annoying things about both genders, this is not a 'hate on men' piece.  Find my Come Dine With Me episode to hear Channel 4 make a tit of me going, "oh no, I'm not one of those 'I hate guys' feminists.... I love guys". Nice one Channel 4.

So, I recently started watching the new HBO series 'Girls', embarrassingly because, yes, it's being spoken about everywhere, and I wanted to see what the fuss was about.

Its ok, but some of it feels way too true and highlights just how stupid we can all be.  In response, I have decided to highlight my top five things that boys and girls do that is just plain old shitty....  Not necessarily all in a sexual context, but just around each other.  So today, we are going to have.. Top Five Shitty Things Boys Do. (Top Five Shitty Girls Things will follow, I promise!)

God knows I hate acknowledging there are difference between the genders, but...well...yes.  There are differences between the genders.

[Point of Note- Some of these also make the compilation following several recent incidents. Thanks fellas]

Top Five Shitty Things Boys Do To Girl Friends And Girlfriends.

#5.  Grab the back of your neck while talking to you.

One of my friends does this, and I swear to God, I feel like a trapped piece of prey.  I don't know how it could be sexy, I find it a little intimidating/inclined to make me think the guy is a jerk.  I don't really know how to say either, without being insanely rude.

So in this photo, I'd be the wildebeest.  Nice.

#4.  Make horse based references to you.

Making that 'cht-cht' noise with a wink always makes me feel like a horse. When I was a kid, I rode horses, and this was the noise I made to them as I would get them to giddy up.  Also, saying 'that's a good girl', 'what a fine filly', etc., falls into this category.

One of my friends recently got engaged, and she went with her fiance to a country show.  While there, she met a family friend of her fiance's, who smacked her fiance on the shoulder and commented, that she was a 'good U8'.  My friend found out later that was a farming term for a particular good class of cattle.

#3.  Tell sexist jokes
Ahhh, this happens all the time.  I don't know if its a vague kind of 'hey girl, you're one of the guys, we like you' thing, but it is one of my pet hates. So picture the scene, there's ONE girl, and a bunch of guys.  A joke is told about, I don't know, 'banging' a girl, or some pretty intensely female topic (rape/abortion) and when all the guys roar with laughter, you can either 
a) kick off
b) laugh along
c) laugh along while muttering, "God that's awful"
d) walk away (thus perhaps looking a little huffy)
Thing is, of course it's nice that you are including the one girl in the gang in your banter, but please.  Imagine if it was the other way around... a bunch of girls telling a joke about penis size, or prostrate cancer... or castration, in front of one awkwardly laughing guy.  I don't know what topics match up, because by and large, I don't think girls do it [if we do, I am totally ready to stand corrected].  Its just a totally awkward and horrible moment.  I wrote down 'abortion and rape' there and thought to myself, "No way, that's too extreme."  Sad truth is, I can think of jokes I have heard like this including abortion, rape, periods, miscarriages and child abuse.  Maybe I just fall into the company of jerks from time to time?!

#2.  Don't chill out, have fun...and by this I mean, DANCE.
So there's this whole thing that men have to be strong, emotion-free pillars of masculinity.  And sometimes, this results in about 98% male population not dancing.  I hate this!!  Now, two things I want to make clear.  Some guys don't like to dance, that's cool. Some people are shy, but not all of you!  And please, don't get me wrong, I also hate girls who do sexy dancing.  Meh, piss off Mary-Sue.  Dancing is about an expression of joy and fun, not sexiness.  [n.B I do realise that sexy dancing is totally sexy, but I just think it is like when I try to talk with a French accent- I feel like a fraud.  When I dance sexy, I either am totally drunk or taking the piss.  I chose fun over sexy].  Dance.  Lighten up.  We all do it from time to time, and who wants to hang out with anyone who can't have a bit of fun?!

#1.  Talk/stare at your boobs.
Sigh.  No one is 13 anymore, so really, there's no excuse.  If you're going to do it, at least do it subtly.  (Hahaha, I like this male response on the subject.)

Sleepless in...

Tonight, today and yesterday, I did an overnight shift at work.

What was I thinking?!

I am trying to save up money for a little nest egg, sure, but turns out, my body and brain are both kicking back fairly hard at this. 

And naturally, it is going to be really fun sleeping this morning, in order to get up and return to work later.

Help.  I am going to stop typing because I doubt I'll remember this later.  Needless to say, I have seen trailers for that movie 'A Night In The Museum'- A Night In The Theatre had no magic unfortunately....

Geeks are the ultimate hipsters- they were into everything before it was cool.

I'm not going to advertise this post I don't think- I have found out that some of my geekier blog posts seem to be way less popular.  People seem to prefer me talking shit, as opposed to stuff that I actually find interesting and today's post will probably be the most geeky to date.  But I am not sitting here in horn rimmed glasses, with an overbite and a sweater vest.  No, I am regular girl and yeah, this stuff is COOL, so back off geek judgers.  Geeks are the ultimate hipsters- they were into everything before it was cool.

SO TODAY-  Mind blown.  I can't wait for the future.

So one of the jobs I am applying for in Germany is in a printing company.  They are actually pretty cool, I love their graphics and stuff, and they seem like a really cool company.  And yes, its printing, but their aim is to make printing cool, sexy and most important EASY.

Anyway I had to do some research for them into the future of, well, lots of things.  And now, I just want it to be the future already.  Its going to be so cool!!  I did a little article on 3D printers, which I had heard of, but had no idea how they worked.  It sounds so boring but it is so mental!?!?!

The printer- probably one of the least sexy things ever.  But its going to be leading the pack baby.  The humble printer, famous for its awkward connections and networks, has been developed to print three dimensionally.

Also known as 'additive manufacturing', 3D printing quite literally creates three dimensional copies of whatever object you programme it to. How can this work? Certainly, the concept of it seems to blow a comprehension fuse for most people. Instead of the traditionally combining together of material, whether by cutting, shaping, bending, sticking, a 3D printer deposits material, layer by layer. This successive layer upon layer of material eventually builds up into a perfect replica. The printer is 'told' what to print after the object is scanned and broken down into layers by an accompanying computer programme. Within the computer programme, the user can select any changes they would like to make- sizes, colours, etc. Most incredibly, moving parts can be replicated with absolutely no problem.

WHAT!!!!?!?!?!

Suddenly the lonely and unreliable printer I used at school seems a long way away. Is this the end of the car mechanic charging a fortune for ordering a 'difficult to get' piece? Traditionally, manufacture is an expensive business, with the cost of tools, labour and materials to consider. In order to make something worthwhile economically, companies had to turn production into a huge venture to make it economically viable. However, with the 3D printer, that is no longer the case. One off products are suddenly financially viable and small level production is a economic option.

Does this mean that anything can be replicated? Well certainly, at the rate of development, this shouldn't be too far into the future. Currently, one limitation is that of printer material, although metal printing is quickly improving. Soon, will we be able to create perfect replicas, with a combination of materials?

What will this mean in a socio-economic sense? Certainly, there will be an increased demand for designers, IT specialist, engineers and logistic experts. However, it will also eliminate the requirement for many low-level manufacturing jobs. Repetitive jobs, combining pieces or riveting for example, can all be done by the printer. This is seemingly the one disadvantage to an otherwise perfect venture.

Certainly, 3D printing can seem a little futuristic to the average person on the street, however it is already being utilised by an unbelievable number of industries. So far, it has been used in jewellery production, industrial design, architecture, automotive construction, aerospace industries, footwear development, education, geographic information systems, civil engineering and medical and dental industries.

Indeed, in Japan, 3D printing has been used to create the ridiculously popular 3D photo booth. Instead of a 2D print of your image, users receive a mini 3D replica of themselves. This bit of fun also has potential uses in the future, and really just highlights how far this technology has come.  

I just....I just.....I just can't get my mind around this.  Is this a big joke?!?!!  A big, fucking awesome, joke?!!?

Magic Vs Probability (The Sad Truth Of Coincidence)

Story A.  (Level of Coincidence- Moderate)

Having arranged to meet a friend last week, he texted me to say he was running late at work, and would I like to come and give him a hand.  I went to his place of work, and he introduced me to his co-workers.  One of them was a boy from Berlin.  So I delightedly started talking to him.  When we realised that he also lives in the same neighbourhood as I will in Berlin, I was happy to think I might know someone nearby in a new town.

Then a few days later, chatting online, this boy mentioned he was having some trouble with his flight back home to Berlin.  He mentioned the airline, which I said was the same airline I flew with.  He mentioned the date, which was the same date as I would be flying back.  Curious.  Turns out, we are on exactly the same flight back to Berlin.  Which means, meeting this boy meant that I would have a friend to travel with me from Belfast, down to Dublin, the same flight to Berlin, and then to within a few streets distance in Berlin.  I was delighted and definitely did think to myself- "Wow.  What are the chances of that!?"

Story B. (Level of Coincidence- HIGH)

Chatting with a friend recently, he mentioned a bit of a love dilemma he was having.  Going through the positives of each, with Girl A, he also told me the following story as a 'positive'.

Having known each other for years, Boy knew that Girl A would always change her pin number to the birthdates of her current boyfriend.  Just a 'thing' she did.  So if she dated someone who was born on, say, 2nd February, she would change her pin number to 0202, for example.  When Boy and Girl A began to date, Girl A did this again, changing her pin to match Boy's birthday.  Boy thought this was cute, but explained to Girl A, that he didn't think he could do this back for her, as his card provider didn't allow you to change your pin to what you wanted.  However, when they discussed his pin, it turned out that the pin number he already had matched Girl A's birthday.

Again- what are the odds of having numbers on your pin that create a birthday (for example, mine don't) [so, it will be something like maybe 3/10 perhaps], a girl who's birthday matches your pin number and a girl whose 'thing' is to do that with her pin.

Whaaaaat!!!?

I don't believe in coincidence, but I think that is because I have hung around with too many spoilsports, who prove that if you create enough incidence, the overlaps of coincidence will be more likely.  To think of an analogy of the emotional response to finding out the probability of something is actually quite small, or that your so-called big coincidence is not so big after all- well, to me, it is like finding out Santa isn't real. [To any children reading- pfft, people try to tell you this all the time, but he totally is.  I mean, how else would you get those gifts?  And what other viable employment options does a flying reindeer really have?]

I thought the following video was a good example of such a dream destroying mathematician's angle.  It is well explained, but I mean, even the voice.  He could have tried to add some magic to the presentation, since he was destroying magic from our lives.  Yes, you informative bastard, your argument is strong, but your charisma is not. 

Good video huh?  Nonetheless, there is undeniably a real joy in coincidence, which no amount of maths can suppress for me, and I suspect the same is the case for many.  I was delighted to find out that this guy could travel with me to Berlin- I felt that the chances were against me to have a friend to travel with, and bam, made a new friend who is already doing that same route.  When my friend told me the story about Girl A, we both discussed the probability of it, but we both definitely were a bit buzzed from how kind of romantic it was.  Maths can explain things, but I think there are too many people in this world with whom we will have no connection- to meet a stranger by some form of coincidence, or to discover something about them coincidentally, well, its a fast way to develop a strong rapport, and that can only be a good thing.  

So guys, I guess today's lesson is don't go and marry someone because they like the same ice cream as you, but definitely enjoy the little things like this.  Yes, they can be explained away by probability, but so what??  They still make you feel good, so enjoy it.

[I actually just found this guy.... he talks more about feelings vs reason which delights me.  Better video.]

The Beginning of the End

The story so far....

Catherine decides she must move to Berlin after standing near Alexanderplatz on a friend's bike and seeing two strangers cycle past.  A wave of good feeling overcomes her, and she thinks- I want to be a part of this city.  I love it.

Fast forward a few weeks, maybe a couple of months, and yes, everyday I have been doing things in anticipation of the big move.  The deposit on the apartment is paid, I'm whittling down job opportunities, I'm trying to keep in touch with my German friends a bit more.  But yesterday.  Yesterday was the first day it felt real.

#1.  My room was finally let.
When few friends of friends knew people who needed a room in a house, we went onto Gumtree.  Usually so helpful, all of the applicants this time were dribbling down a stream of uselessness.  Until yesterday- nice girl, liked the room, wants the room.  I am a nice girl and like this room too, so its weird that it will no longer be mine. Goodbye room.

#2. Guinea pigs went.
This morning, I had to go to work at the absolute crack of dawn.  I knew that the piggies would be getting picked up by my friend Leanne, who was taking them to her families' farm.  I hugged them and said my goodbyes- but wow, it feels weird without them now.  And I definitely did not make a montage video of me and the guinea pigs to Carly Simon's "Nobody Does It Better" last night.  Definitely not.

#3.  Last shift with a friend.
Adele is a super cool girl I know, and work with.  Half complete mental case, and half totally insightful and worldly curious girl, I always loved working with her.  A lot.  We both realised yesterday (as she is moving to Derry to do a show over Christmas)  that it was the last time we'd probably see each other for a while, let alone work together.  FEELS WEIRD.  I know this will be repeated a lot in the forthcoming 18 days, but still- I wasn't prepared.

So.  It turns out I really AM moving to Berlin.  Crikey.  ;-)

Stereotypes, Baby. So so wrong, so so usually kinda accurate.

So recently I have been exploring the notion of stereotypes.  This is in no doubt due to my forthcoming move to Germany.  Everything I do (slight exaggeration, some things I do) evokes the response "Oh Cat....nein.  You can't say/do/sniff/eat that" from a kindly German bud.


Ahh shit man.  I don't want to be inappropriate in a second language.

Anyway, last weekend I was sitting with two German lads and an Irish guy and we started chatting about our ideas of stereotypes about the other country.


IRELAND BY THE GERMANS

- The Irish EXAGGERATE.  Everything is the BEST, the funniest, the tastiest, the drunkest, the whatever-ist.  (I agree.  We do)
- The Irish women are....bad dressers?

Tragedy is, I know what she is talking about. However I want to speak up for Irish girls that I know, and say we are not all millies.  There are plenty of awesome dressers and hipsters here as well!!

- The Irish drink.  (I agree.  We do.  My lovely lovely German friend picked me up from the airport last Friday.  She said with delight, 'Oh Cat, we're fine, I have bought us wine for having some drinks at mine and then at the party."  She had bought two bottles of wine.  For two of us, all night.  God, I felt like the international community was judging my Irish tendency to get torn into the booze)

- The Irish are good at dancing (I.....agree.  Some people can Irish dance, sure.  I can't, but like to pretend I can.)

- The Irish are good at playing traditional Irish instruments.  (Ha.  Rarely)

- The Irish talk a lot (Awh hell JA!)

GERMANY BY THE IRISH

- The Germans are punctual (apparently so, which makes me SO SO happy because I feel like I am the only punctual person in Ireland.  I am sick of being on time, to hang about trying to look nonchalant waiting for my rude friend)

- The Germans are efficient (STEREOTYPE NUMBER ONE ALERT.  Um.  I haven't noticed crazy levels of efficiency beyond functional trains and.. cool social initiatives like recycling glass bottles.)

- The Germans are fond of sausages and cold meat plates.  (Ja, sicher.  But theres more vegetarian places in Berlin than any I've seen in Belfast.  God bless you hipsters!)


-The Germans are direct.  (I think... this is true.  And for me, as a person who talks for several hours before reaching the point, this is refreshing.)

- The Berlin based Germans are cool mother fuckers.  (Um..  Yes.  To the extent that a job interview I had this week included the phrase, "Yeah, so you have the personality, skill set and attitude we want.  And, well, you're cool enough to work with us." COOL IS CURRENCY FRAULEIN!)

So....whats the lesson here today?  Stereotypes are bad, we know that.  Why judge a collective when you can judge an individual?  If you want to be a judgmental person, sure why not take a bit of time to get to know the person and be specific.  Chances are, if you're judging all round, you'll prefer a chance to be a bit more cutting and mean.

 On the other hand, maybe a stereotype can just help highlight a few new things you didn't know.  But, c'mon kids. Everyone is super in their own way and stuff.  Blah blah blah.  

Ok.  Today's lesson? PLAY NICE KIDS.

Late Night Rambles

Mmmmmm.  Oh man, aren't eggs the best?  I just made a delish mozzarella cheese and cherry tomato scrambled egg mess... and in the dark as well, as currently, there seems to be something wrong wrong wrong going on with the downstairs lights.  So yeah, a late night challenge.  Why the hell not?  I've got an appetite and no light source?  Pah no problem, bitches!

Speaking of cooking, I did my usual thing earlier this week.  I was having a pure girls night with my friend Cat on Monday and dudearino, did we get drunk.  Like... I'm talking, big fat burrito for dinner followed by midnight pizza drunk.  Sexy.  

While I was BEING drunk, my two bestie buddies were texting about meeting up before I go to Berlin.  I, in my merry tipsiness, invited one of them (well, I invited both but one couldn't come) to come for dinner and dancing on Friday.  Then....I told my other buddy who DJs at the club I dance at (why hello there super club) about the plan, and about how I missed him...and then bam. He's coming for dinner too.  Then today. I bumped into this lovely gal I know in the greengrocers and...yep, invited her round too.  So, I really ought to think about what I am going to cook, as I appear to be compelled to invite people. Greengrocer Girl, I've not tasted her grub, but the other two, boysadear, they cook GOOD SHIT.  And it just never excites me as much when I cook it...(Though, yeah hello.  I am Belfast's number one cook or something....*come dine with me*)

(drunk and thinking I am just about the best thing ever for balancing a glass on my chest)

Anyway.  This week has kind of been a bit of an odd one.  After my weekend in Berlin, I've just been trying to sort shit out.  The most tragic of these things I am trying to sort out are my beautiful baby guinea pigs.  SOB.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends, but I will be most sad to say bye to my pets- family and friends will be there when I come back, but my wee lads will be gone.

Berlin 

Berlin though, boy was it fun.  There's a whole whole lot of stuff I would like to write about.... but can't and won't.  Needless to say, I went to a party at Freddy's (the boy from this blog) who had rigged up his house so it was like a beach.  Which meant a crazy amount of sand, carried up four flights of stairs.  Totally surreal and fun party.

Also speaking of Berlin, I have a couple of Skype interviews tomorrow.  I am not really looking forward to them, only because I can't imagine they will  be as easy to navigate as a real conversation.....

Sorry this is so rambly.  I will stop and only return when I have something proper to say!